Looking for healing with a blindfold lately it feels… Pulling out the choke to get the fire going again in my belly with this intangible dank that weighs heavy on my mind, clouding places that were clear… An illusion of clutter that does not really exist, a reflection of the state of the country that no one can escape … could make one feel like a cartoon trapped inside a box, jumping up and down, hitting it’s head again and again against the top to no avail. And there the cartoon may remain for a long time to come, with the odd walking of the plank to relieve the monotony!
Now to the business of banishing outside so that the inside may become more visible… Here is a place where one can become adapt at dodging and reforming the boundaries, here there is no need of frustration. In fact the whole time could be spent in acceptance and positivity, in curiosity and joy imagine that! With a flick of a switch I am on faery time.
Later, waking in the dark… The mere thought of the quiet dark wakes me more, silence but for the tapping of the keys, no distraction on the path except of course the mind itself ! I come once again to the notion of responsibility, of focusing the wild Rarr energy. My stumbling block is the vague belief that this focusing will some how diminish the wildness of the energy… My philosophy has always been go with the flow, now I must use the current to get on rather than standing in it, using precious energy to stand still in the flow. It is rather hilarious really, me stubbornly still amongst the flow, maintaining that I am searching for freedom while my feet sink deeper into the silt. The notion of using the canoe that is tethered here, bobbing on the surface has been covered with doubt and decisions. Years of distrust had weighed that canoe down closer to the silt than the surface. Although from the mirky depths light’s diffused nature shines resplendent. Under water was a place where I felt safe, sure that I could stay longer than any other. I was alone and silenced to breathing. The inside world becomes outside, energy carried with ease through the water—thoughts setting up house and moving furniture. Like a sea creature finding safety on the ocean floor, looking up through the layers of traffic, predators and bait in a seemingly peaceful co-existence —until it isn’t. A flash of movement and the color of the water changes while life ingests life.
Life devouring itself, constantly birthing anew. So feet in the silt or no change and movement are the very tenants of life. Constantly in motion, hurtling through space time… We are not safe from destruction… It is inevitable, it is transformation as energy is indestructible … it simply becomes something other.
An isolated limb having a whole other experience to the rest of the body, when it returns to tactile contact there is a separation, a difference that hurries to be one with the whole. Like an idea this newness fades quickly into familiarity, but that does not make the experience any less precious, for it is the challenge to hold on to that wonder… An idea that shines brightly and beautifully is meant to be protected against the mundane attitude. To be the breath behind the waves, feeling that awesome raw power, knowing that sometimes it is advantageous to have ones feet sunk in the earth!
Naomi Brosnan 